the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
