you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
