College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
