Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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