Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
