..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
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