We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
