Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
