I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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