why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
my shit smells like andre
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Randomize
