I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
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