loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
