I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
