I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
