Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
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