Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
he fucked my hip out of place.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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