yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
