You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
