We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Is Oprah even human
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
