i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
