I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
