so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
