remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
A+ Viking dick
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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