never play flip cup with pint glasses
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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