The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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