she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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