Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
