i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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