You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
