she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
