Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
