No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
