i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
