This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
