so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
