This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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