Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
