pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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