cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
