we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
