It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
