I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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