so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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