I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
