Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
