I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
