i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
