How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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