how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
