i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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