His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
And then he peed in my hair
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
